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The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Bans Mennonite Ladies from Posting Pictures of Flowers

August 24, 2016 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA After controversially banning mothers from posting breast feeding pictures, reports indicate that social media giant Facebook is now planning a ban on pictures of flowers. The news has been met with strong […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Insists on Wearing Suspenders to Nude Beach

July 27, 2016 Andrew

PATRICIA BEACH, MB Sun-lovers at a Lake Winnipeg clothing-optional beach were a little shocked this weekend as Delbert Krahn, from the West Reserve, was unwilling to remove his suspenders before taking to the waters. “I don’t never […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mother-of-the-Bride Insists on Having “The Talk” Moments Before Daughter Walks Down the Aisle

June 25, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After neglecting to say anything at all about the topic over the past twenty years, concerned mother Brenda Harms waited at the doors of the Steinbach Gospel Mennonite Church for her daughter to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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