The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

roll kuchen

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Lutheran Man Joins Mennonite Church After Discovering Roll Kuchen

July 6, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Schmidt of Steinbach has been a life-long attendee at the local Lutheran Church. However, after discovering roll kuchen this week, he decided to abandon the faith of his childhood and join the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends Five Hours Selecting Watermelon

June 23, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Fehr, 63, had to make sure she got just the right watermelon for her faspa this Sunday and so she spent more than five hours knocking, tapping, poking and shaking various melons […]

Unger & Thirst

Stash of Roll Kuchen Discovered Beneath Trudeau’s Desk

March 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had to apologize to the Canadian people once again this past week after a stash of delicious roll kuchen was discovered hidden beneath his desk in the House of […]

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 4 5 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Mr. Toews Realizes He’s Been Saying His Own Name Wrong This Whole Time
    May 18, 2022
  • Americans Accuse Canada of “Premature Thankfulness”
    October 9, 2022
  • All Abe Friesens Required By Law to Use Middle Initial
    January 30, 2017
  • A List of Prominent Mennonites on Leaked Convoy Donor List
    February 20, 2022
  • Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store
    April 26, 2019

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved