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The Daily Bonnet

‘Acting like an idiot’: Mennonite Driver Clocked at Just 2.32 km/hr on Trans-Canada Highway

October 19, 2018 Andrew

THOMSON STATION, NS According to CBC News, a Mennonite driver vacationing in Nova Scotia this summer, was allegedly caught driving at over 2 km/h on the Trans-Canada Highway this week. “This is the fastest speed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Strip Searched at Airport; Security Shocked at What they Found!

July 10, 2018 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Mr. Klassen of Yarrow, BC was selected for random screening at the Vancouver Airport this past week. Mr. Klassen had been heading to visit frintschoft in Kansas, when he was pulled aside for […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Charged with Distracted Driving for Knacking Zoat Behind the Wheel

April 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Colin Peters, 41, is facing distracted driving charges after being spotted by Altona police with a bag of Ronnie’s Original Jumbo Sunflower Seeds in one hand and the steering wheel in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Raid Mennonite Gambling Den, Seize Hundreds of Rook Cards

January 29, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Wichita police stormed a notorious local gambling den this week, arresting more than two dozen Mennonites and seizing countless decks of Rook cards. The raid is the largest bust of Mennonite gamblers since […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Seize Massive Stockpile of Knitted Hangers

October 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Seven Mennonite grandmas from Altona were taken into custody by authorities this Monday after a massive stash of knitted hangers was discovered in the lobby of the local MB church. It was the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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