LANCASTER, PA After millions of complaints from customers, McDonald’s has finally found a solution to the broken ice cream machine problem that has plagued their restaurants across the country – hiring the Amish. “Actually, we’re […]
PITTSBURGH, PA It may have been temporarily paused for now, but this week the White House announced a 87% reciprocal tariff on all penguins, including hockey superstar Sydney Crosby. “Yeah, well I guess this is […]
SAO PAOLO, BRAZIL Banned from wearing green, the Philadelphia Eagles have unveiled new uniforms for their upcoming game in Sao Paolo this week. “The feather boas might be a bit of a hindrance,” said ESPN […]
BUTLER, PA After being informed on the situation at the rally in Pennsylvania, President Joe Biden took to the stage to express his sympathy for “former President Ronald Reagan.” “I’ve been briefed on the situation,” […]
PITTSBURGH, PA Andrea Enns, 18, of North Kildonan was really looking forward to attending CMU in Winnipeg this fall only to discover that she’d actually enrolled at some university in Pennsylvania instead. “I guess it’s […]
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