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The Daily Bonnet

St. Catharines, Ontario to be Renamed Taunte Katherine’s

February 24, 2021 Andrew

TAUNTE KATHERINE’S, ON After having reached the required minimum threshold of resident Mennonite aunties, the city of St. Catharines has voted to officially change its name to Taunte Katherine’s effective the first of the month. […]

Unger Games

SkyDome to Be Replaced with Massive Doug Ford Statue

December 1, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The 30-year-old Rogers Centre, aka SkyDome, in downtown Toronto is set for demolition this winter, but locals don’t have to wait long for the newest Toronto attraction as a massive 100-meter tall statue […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Comes and Goes Without a Single Mennonite Noticing

September 18, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The second annual Mennonite Heritage Week came and went this year without a single Mennonite in the entire country noticing. “Really? Mennonite Heritage Week? Was that this week?” wondered Mr. Zehr of Waterloo. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Happy, Pentecostals Sad as Ontario Bans Dancing in Church

June 21, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Churches are reopening in Ontario this week with a number of restrictions. On the top of the list is a ban on dancing. Unsurprisingly, the new law has devastated Pentecostals but absolutely thrilled […]

Unger & Thirst

Toronto Woman Caught Smuggling Three Suitcases Full of Farmer Sausage

September 17, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Mrs. Wiebe, 47, of Toronto was caught at the Pearson Airport this week with three suitcases packed full of delicious Mennonite farmer sausage that she obtained on a recent trip to southern Manitoba. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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