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music

Unger Suspicion

7 Signs Your Co-Worker was at Folk Fest this Weekend

July 15, 2019 Andrew

Oba, nay! So some of the Englishers yet have been going to the Bard’s Hell Park over there for the Vanapag Folks Festival. I know that no good Mannanites were there, especially since they need […]

Unger Games

Fred Penner and Al Simmons to Square Off in World Heavyweight Title

July 14, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Popular local children’s entertainers Fred Penner and Al Simmons will square off this fall to determine the World Heavyweight Champion. “I’ve got a lot of beefing up to do before then,” said Juno […]

Unger Conviction

Congregation Shocked as Guitarist Snaps a G String

June 25, 2019 Andrew

SALEM, OR Parishioners at the South Salem Mennonite Church were in shock this last week after song leader and guitarist Miss Horsch lost her G string right in the middle of “10,000 Reasons.” “I’ve never […]

Unger Conviction

Long Lost Hymn 606 Discovered on Page 118

June 10, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Mennonites are in celebration this week after a beloved hymn has been uncovered in a little used section of the hymnal. After a decade long investigation into the whereabouts of Hymn 606, investigators […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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