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Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Finishes Dead Last in Olympic Breakdancing Competition

August 11, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After a disastrous last place finish at Paris 20224, Team Mexico says this is the last time they will let a Mennonite woman onto the national breakdancing team. “I’m not sure what they […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Woos Potential Spouse by Eating Takis Fuego

February 14, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Area man Kjnels Thiessen, 21, is attempting to woo the single women of Manitoba Colony by consuming a whole bag of Takis Fuego during faspa this Sunday. “Oba, that Kjnels sure is handsome […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Rundschau Names Taylor Swift ‘Person of the Year’

December 11, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO For decades the Rundschau, in its various iterations, has provided Mennonites with news about what other Mennonites are doing in jantsied or even ditsied. Well, this year, the Rundschau has decided to branch […]

Unger & Thirst

New ‘Import Store’ to Sell Bland Canadian Food in Mexico

November 29, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO  Inspired by all the Mexican import stores that have peppered the Canadian prairies, local entrepreneur Lenny Wiens has decided to return the favour and “bring the flavourless wonders of Canada” to the Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonite Dares to Try the Hot Sauce from Mexican Import Store

July 19, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Area man Andrew Siemens has become the first Canadian Mennonite ever to follow his Mexican cousin to the import store and try the hot sauce. “Dietschlaunt, that’s hot!” exclaimed Andrew, encountering the mildest […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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