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The Daily Bonnet

Whole Foods Bans MCC Peace Buttons

November 8, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In order to be consistent with their recent poppy ban, Whole Foods Canada has also banned anyone from coming into the store wearing one of those MCC Peace Buttons. “Please wear a mask, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants

June 12, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than a thousand eager, and slightly larger, Mennonites were lined up outside the Altona self-help this Friday when they heard the store just got in a fresh supply of pants. “Jauma lied, […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Receives a Bag of Ten Thousand Villages Coffee from Every Single Guest at His Birthday Party

January 22, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Literally every single guest at Mr. Reimer’s 53rd birthday party this week gave him a bag of Ten Thousand Villages fair trade coffee. “That man is impossible to shop for. I wracked my […]

Unger Conviction

Poppy and Peace Button Wage War for Space on Mennonite Man’s Lapel

November 11, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON For more than fifty years the vacant space on Mr. Funk’s lapel has been quiet and peaceful. Sadly, however, a war for territorial supremacy has recently broken out between a poppy and an […]

Unger Conviction

Goldmine of Discarded Gospel Records Discovered at Local Thrift Store

July 28, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dozens of discarded vintage gospel records were discovered at a local Self-Help this week. The titles ranged from “Music of the Mennonite Church” by the Men’s Chorus at First Mennonite Church in Berne, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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