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The Daily Bonnet

Library to Place Warning Labels on Edgy Mennonite Lit

November 27, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZENHIMMEL, SK In order to save folks from having to spend three seconds reading the back cover synopsis, the Schanzenhimmel library has decided that edgy Menno lit will now come with a prominent warning label. […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Adds Cake-Baking to List of Holy Sacraments

June 6, 2018 Andrew

DENVER, CO A small church just outside of Denver, Colorado has voted overwhelmingly to add cake-baking to its list of holy sacraments. Starting this July, church members will be required to participate in baptism, communion, […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Baker Has Long List of People He Refuses to Bake Cakes For

June 5, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Thousands of people have flocked to local baker Jakob Stauffer’s bakery in Fresno and gazed into the window at his delectable creations. Although many have seen his cakes, not a single person has […]

Unger Suspicion

Jordan Peterson Refuses to Use God’s Preferred Pronouns

May 30, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Controversial University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has been become infamous in his efforts to battle so-called “political correctness,” and has resolutely refused to use the preferred pronouns of many individuals, including, apparently, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Mennonite Grandmas Expected at Today’s Pride Parade

July 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the well publicized march last year, thousands of Grandmas from across southern Manitoba are expected to attend today’s second annual Pride event in Steinbach. “When I saw the pictures in the paper from […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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