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hollywood

Unger Suspicion

Sean Penn Confesses He’s Really a Penner

September 9, 2023 Andrew

SANTA MONICA, CA Hollywood icon Sean Penn appeared on The View today and confessed that he shortened his name name back in 1978 so as “not to appear too Mennonite.” “I’m a Penner,” said Penn. […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Barbenreimer’ Craze Strikes Rural Saskatchewan

July 23, 2023 Andrew

HAGUE, SK It seems that the Mennonite ban on attending movie theatres is over, as thousands of Mennos flocked to local cinemas this weekend to see either the new Barbie movie or the long-awaited docudrama […]

Unger the Influence

MP Candice Bergen Steps Down to Return to Glamorous Life in Hollywood

February 3, 2023 Andrew

MORDEN, MB After fifteen years representing the good folks of Portage Lisgar in the House of Commons, MP Candice Bergen has stepped down to return to the set of hit 1990s sitcom Murphy Brown. “As […]

Unger Suspicion

Jury Finds Johnny Depp Guilty of Having Better Lawyers

June 1, 2022 Andrew

FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA Seven jurors have found actor Johnny Depp guilty of having, “like, way better lawyers than Amber Heard.” In a historic decision, the jury ruled that there was absolutely no evidence that “Amber […]

Unger Suspicion

Johnny Depp Flees Courthouse in White Ford Bronco

May 27, 2022 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Actor Johnny Depp was spotted leaving a Virginia courthouse this week and cruising back home to California in a white Ford Bronco. “I think he had enough of all the Johnny Depp-Amber […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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