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health

The Daily Bonnet

Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017

June 1, 2017 Andrew

MARCHAND, MB After a slow summer last year with less than twenty concussions and two fatalities, the number of horseshoes-related injuries has soared to record heights in Manitoba this spring. If the pace continues, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma’s Bunion Surgery Goes Shockingly Wrong

May 19, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Due to decades of wearing uncomfortable shoes that were just too small for her, Grandma Peters, 83, of Linden, has had to undergo more than a dozen bunion surgeries in the past few […]

Unger Conviction

Christian Smokers Furious After Church Implements ‘No Re-Entry’ Policy

May 9, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, a Winnipeg-area megachurch, has recently announced that they will no longer allow people to re-enter the building once they have left. “We’re sick and tired of people leaving for a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dutch Blitz Tournament Results in Hundreds of Casualties

April 20, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA More than three-hundred serious injuries and five fatalities were reported at this year’s Lancaster Senior’s Dutch Blitz tournament. Event organizers, however, say that the results are “typical.” “This is just as we expected. […]

Unger Suspicion

Local McDonald’s Offering ‘Free Vasectomy With Purchase’

April 5, 2017 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Due to overcrowding in the play room, a local McDonald’s has set up a mobile vasectomy clinic in the parking lot as service to the many families that stop by each day. “We’re […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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