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health

Unger & Thirst

FDA Approves the Sale of ‘Mennonite Viagra’

June 14, 2017 Andrew

SILVER SPRING, MD After rigorous testing in a secret facility somewhere near Harrisonburg, Virginia, the United States Food and Drug Administration has approved the sale of a controversial new pharmaceutical product called ‘Mennonite Viagra.’ The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dutch Blitz Players Now Required to Wear Full Body Armour

June 13, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Pennsylvania Supreme Court has recently ruled that all Dutch Blitz players in the region must sport full body armour from now on. “This is for your own good. It’s for your own protection,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Accidentally Consumes a Vegetable

June 12, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Local man Klass Klassen, 53, was rushed to the hospital this past week after it was discovered he had inadvertently consumed two carrots and a few florets of broccoli. “Mennonites are highly allergic […]

The Daily Bonnet

Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017

June 1, 2017 Andrew

MARCHAND, MB After a slow summer last year with less than twenty concussions and two fatalities, the number of horseshoes-related injuries has soared to record heights in Manitoba this spring. If the pace continues, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma’s Bunion Surgery Goes Shockingly Wrong

May 19, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Due to decades of wearing uncomfortable shoes that were just too small for her, Grandma Peters, 83, of Linden, has had to undergo more than a dozen bunion surgeries in the past few […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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