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health

Unger & Thirst

New Canada Food Guide Makes Farmer Sausage its Own Food Group

February 20, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In an effort to reshape the unhealthy eating patterns of Canadians, the new Canada Food Guide has made formavorscht it’s own food group and now recommends 6-10 servings per day. “A lot of […]

Unger Suspicion

An Exclusive Interview with the Notorious ‘Alberta Clipper’

February 12, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB After years of secrecy, the infamous ‘Alberta Clipper’ has agreed to this exclusive interview with the Daily Bonnet. We met Mr. Friesen in his home in Taber to ask him about why he […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Chiropractor Specializes in Treating Mennonite Rubbernecking Injuries

January 26, 2018 Andrew

CHORTITZ, MB A southern Manitoba chiropractor has decided to focus his talents on addressing neck injuries caused by prolonged gawking and staring, which, he says, is a common problem in Mennonite communities everywhere. “Prolonged periods […]

Unger & Thirst

Tide Pods Added to Grandma’s Delightful Faspa Spread

January 20, 2018 Andrew

YARROW, BC Having heard something of this whole “Tide Pod craze” from her grandchildren, Mrs. Neufeld of Yarrow, 69, decided to spice up the faspa last Sunday by adding a delightful selection of laundry detergent […]

Unger Suspicion

British Columbian Freezes to Death Within Minutes of Arriving in Winnipeg

January 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Mark Thiessen of Chilliwack froze to death after walking a hundred metres from the airport terminal to his rental car this weekend. Police found his frozen corpse, with his debit card in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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