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health

The Daily Bonnet

Local Trajchtmoakas Demand the Right to be Called “Doctors”

November 25, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The local Knipsers and Knibblers Union 606 of La Crete is petitioning the Province of Alberta to have Mennonite folk chiropractors (known colloquially as “trajchtmoakas“) classified as “doctors.” “Oba, those medical doctors […]

Unger Suspicion

Communist Takeover Complete After Local Man is Politely Asked to Put on a Mask

November 20, 2020 Andrew

SCHLAMMFELD, MB Local communists have declared complete and total victory over the resistant kulaks this week after successfully convincing some guy named Darryl from Schlammfeld to put on a mask. “At last, with this final […]

The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads to Confusion at Local Store

November 19, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Customers entering Dueck Sausage Emporium in Swift Current this week were greeted with a friendly message to “satanize” their hands before entry. “Diewel, I knew things were bad, but this is getting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents to Get Bolt Cutters in their Stockings this Christmas

November 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the heroic display by Steinbach’s now infamous counter-protestor, bolt cutters have been flying off the shelves at local stores offering curbside pickup. “I was thinking of getting my Nettie a pair of […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Petrified of Vaccine Tells Everyone to “Stop Living in Fear”

November 17, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Local anti-vaxxer, Mr. Miller of Toronto, has a message for everyone on his Facebook feed: “Stop living in fear!” Miller, who is absolutely terrified of what might happen if he ever might get […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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