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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pickle Juice Used to Preserve Vladimir Lenin’s Body

March 21, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The body of Soviet dictator Vladimir Lenin has been preserved in a Moscow mausoleum since his death in 1924. While many have speculated as to the methods used to keep the body in […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Makes Official Visit to Mennonite Church Wearing Rubber Boots and Suspenders

March 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Prime Minister Justin Trudeau brought along an entourage of more than three hundred people to the small Mennonite town of Altona, Manitoba this past week and out of respect for the local culture, […]

Unger Suspicion

New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire

February 24, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Historians at a prominent American university have uncovered evidence that may radically alter our perception of the supposed “right to keep and bear arms.” According to recently uncovered documents, the entire Second Amendment […]

Unger & Thirst

New Canada Food Guide Makes Farmer Sausage its Own Food Group

February 20, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In an effort to reshape the unhealthy eating patterns of Canadians, the new Canada Food Guide has made formavorscht it’s own food group and now recommends 6-10 servings per day. “A lot of […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonites’ Deemed Offensive, To Be Replaced with ‘Personnonites’

February 8, 2018 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Protestors surrounded a Mennonite church in Edmonton this week demanding that it immediately remove the offensive gender-specific label of ‘Mennonite’ from all signage. “We say ‘Personnonites’ now,” said one protestor as he defaced […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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