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The Daily Bonnet

GCers Feeling Left Out of ‘Restart Mennonite Brethren’ Campaign

October 28, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonite Church Canada members across Manitoba are a little miffed at the provincial government for seemingly giving all their time and resources to restarting the Mennonite Brethrens. “If you ask me, […]

Unger Conviction

Chris Wallace to Moderate Upcoming Mennonite Church Board Meeting

September 30, 2020 Andrew

AKRON, PA After a stellar performance at the Presidential debate in which he always had things under complete control, Fox News anchor Chris Wallace has been tasked with his biggest challenge yet: moderating an upcoming […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Comes and Goes Without a Single Mennonite Noticing

September 18, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The second annual Mennonite Heritage Week came and went this year without a single Mennonite in the entire country noticing. “Really? Mennonite Heritage Week? Was that this week?” wondered Mr. Zehr of Waterloo. […]

Unger Suspicion

Rather than Actually Fix the Road, One of these Bright Orange Signs Should Do the Trick

July 16, 2020 Andrew

THOMPSON, MB It’s orange-sign season in Manitoba, as officials have sent workers all over the province to put up signs telling people where the potholes are. “Hey, you can’t say we didn’t warn you,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Happy, Pentecostals Sad as Ontario Bans Dancing in Church

June 21, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Churches are reopening in Ontario this week with a number of restrictions. On the top of the list is a ban on dancing. Unsurprisingly, the new law has devastated Pentecostals but absolutely thrilled […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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