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funeral

Unger Conviction

Deceased Man Has No Idea His Funeral Being Used for Fire and Brimstone Altar Call

November 2, 2024 Andrew

EBENHORST, SK A deceased Mennonite man from Ebenhorst has absolutely no clue his death and funeral is being used as an excuse by zealous young pastor Jim to emotionally manipulate the audience towards repentance. “Hey, […]

Unger the Influence

Capacity at Mulroney Funeral Reduced to 2 Seats

March 23, 2024 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC In honour of his unique legacy, specifically the 1993 election, the seating capacity at former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney’s funeral has been reduced to 2. “We know that the Notre Dame in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Unger & Thirst

Funeral Cancelled After Bridge Fire Cuts Off Cheese Curd Supply

May 11, 2023 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Funerals in the area were cancelled today after a bridge fire cut off access to the cheese curd factory in New Bothwell. “Jauma, no cheese curds? Looks like we’ll have to postpone […]

Unger & Thirst

Raisin Buns at Church Lunch Seen as ‘Really Bad Omen’

April 6, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB As the Kleefeld MBCC church gathered for their spring lunch this week, many Mennonites felt a little uneasy as each table had a basket of raisin buns. “What are they trying to tell […]

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