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fitness

The Daily Bonnet

New Fitness Program Encourages Mennonites to Literally LMAO

October 9, 2021 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB A new fitness centre in Plum Coulee is offering Mennonites in the surrounding area the opportunity to literally laugh their asses off. The new weight-loss program brings in old Mennonite men who […]

Unger & Thirst

Rogers Crew Getting Really Fat From All This Mennonite Food

March 10, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After hitting up Winkler last weekend and Steinbach this weekend, the Rogers Sportsnet crew has gained an average of twenty-three pounds in just two weeks. “When we chose to do Hometown Hockey in […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Measure Your BMI (Body Mennonite Index)

July 29, 2018 Andrew

The body mass index is used to measure a person’s relative health based on their weight and height. Unfortunately, the traditional BMI does not work for Mennonites. Instead, Mennonite doctors recommend that you use the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman’s Thumbs Got a Great Workout at the Gym Today

July 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman Erin Friesen, 34, gave her thumbs quite the workout at the gym today. Friesen estimates she sent more than a hundred texts today and burned between 3 and 4 calories. “Dang […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Converts to Hinduism Five Minutes into Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown DVD

April 26, 2018 Andrew

BOISSEVAIN, MB Yogaphobia has invaded a small Manitoba town after Mrs. Martens, 42, longtime women’s ministry co-ordinator at the local Mennonite church, declared she was “done with the faith” and decided to dedicate her life […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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