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existentialism

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Anne Loewen, 71, was in the greatest existential crisis of her life this Saturday afternoon after encountering bags of frozen potato and cheddar perogies alongside the cottage cheese perogies she’s used […]

Unger Games

Canadians Celebrate as List of ‘Sports We Don’t Suck At’ Balloons to Two

June 18, 2026 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BV Canadian sports fans were left in absolute ecstasy this afternoon after the Canadian Men’s Soccer Team won a match at the World Cup for the first time in history, thus ballooning the number […]

Unger Conviction

Man with Snowblower Finds Renewed Sense of Purpose and Meaning

February 26, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Abe Broesky, 53, recently experienced a renewed sense of spiritual purpose in his life all due to the fact he happens to own a snowblower. “Sometimes I think to myself, ‘Abe, […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Dance Lessons’ Creates Profound Existential Crisis in Mennonite Town

October 5, 2016 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, PARAGUAY Residents of a small Mennonite town were sent into deep existential angst on Wednesday when a sign went up in town offering ‘Free Dance Lessons.’ “As a Mennonite I’m obligated to take anything […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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