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Unger Suspicion

Volkswagen Offers Customers Financial Compensation for the Embarrassment of Driving a Volkswagen

January 3, 2018 Andrew

WOLFSBURG, GERMANY After executive Oliver Schmidt was sentenced to seven years in prison for the Volkswagen emissions scandal, the German automaker is now offering embarrassed customers financial compensation for the “utter humiliation of having to […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Introduces Strict ‘No Kill’ Policy for Mosquitos

May 28, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB On Friday afternoon, the Manitoba government announced a new initiative that seeks to address the growing mosquito population by employing hundreds of conservation officers in a new humane ‘catch and release’ program. “Here in Manitoba, we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Survives Eating Fish Caught in Red River

May 13, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite the large quantities of raw sewage that’s routinely dumped into the river, local man Alexander Penner of North Kildonan decided that eating a fish caught in this delightfully polluted river was a […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Geese Return Home Just to Shit All Over It

April 12, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Millions of Canada geese, that beloved symbol of all that is good and decent about our fair country, have returned home this week to completely shit over absolutely everything. “The purpose of these geese […]

Unger Suspicion

Oil Company to Reroute Pipeline Through World’s Most Famous Cemeteries

September 7, 2016 Andrew

DALLAS, TX Despite significant opposition to the project, one of the world’s major oil companies has elected to route their new pipeline to make sure it damages as many sacred burial grounds as possible. The pipeline has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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