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economy

Unger Suspicion

Phone Companies Reassure Canadians Exorbitant Bills Still Due During Postal Strike

November 21, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Millions of Canadians breathed a sigh of relief this week after they found out their devilishly-high phone bills would still arrive at their doorsteps like usual. “Don’t you worry your pretty little hearts […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Mennonite Man to Live ‘Rent Free’ in Another Man’s Head

October 11, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Dave Eby, 43, has just stumbled on an amazing new plan to avoid paying rent in the exorbitant southern Ontario housing market. “It all started in the church lobby with Mr. […]

Unger Suspicion

Tip-flation So “Out of Control” They’re Even Expecting Tips in Winkler

September 21, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Many consumers have noticed tip-flation or “tip creep” in recent years, as customers are being asked for tips in places they’ve never did before such as auto mechanics, fast food restaurants, and Winkler. […]

Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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