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The Daily Bonnet

‘Birthers’ Demand Baptism Certificate from Daily Bonnet Founder

July 24, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Skeptical of his Mennonite credentials, a half dozen conspiracy nuts from just outside Steinbach are demanding to see the baptism certificate of Daily Bonnet author Andrew Unger. “We want to see his long-form […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Shut Down Has Anabaptists Reluctantly Attending Episcopal Churches

January 14, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A nationwide Mennonite church shut down, now the longest in U.S. history, has Anabaptists scrambling to figure out “where the heck we’re going to worship on Sunday morning.” Most have decided to give […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Politician Demands $5 Billion Wall Around Morden

January 9, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Church board member and man-about-town Mr. Toews of Winkler is threatening to shut down the local government unless the local senate approves a $5.7 billon wall around the neighbouring town of Morden. “You […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach City Council Candidate Reveals Shocking DNA Test Results

October 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local city council candidate Mr. Harder decided to take a DNA test this week after being called a “Lutheran” by one of his political rivals. The rival, Mr. Dyck, said he would donate […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Wife Wears ‘I Really Don’t Care, Do You?’ Jacket to Church

June 24, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Mrs. Melanie Troyer, 43, wife of Reverend Dilbert Troyer, showed up to church this morning sporting a “I Really Don’t Care, Do You?” jacket that she purchased online at Zara. The Troyers were […]

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