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discipline

The Daily Bonnet

Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest

April 29, 2018 Andrew

SALEM, OR A new survey of Mennonite children and ex-children suggests a strong preference for mom’s spoon to dad’s belt during disciplinary sessions. The survey asked more than a thousand Mennonite children and two thousand […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Punishes Grandkids By Making Them Chew Thrills Gum

April 22, 2018 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local grandma Mrs. Agnes Wiebe, 72, unleashed the harshest punishment known to Mennonites this week by making her misbehaving grandkids chew a piece of soap-flavoured Thrills gum for a full fifteen minutes. “I […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Son By Far the Worst Behaved Kid in Sunday School

January 18, 2018 Andrew

FREDRICTON, NB Reverend Unrau was called out of the adult Prayer Class yet again this Sunday after his son Timothy socked two other boys in the nose and called little Lisa Wilson a “Poopyface.” It […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dad Spares Rod, Son Not Spoiled

January 9, 2018 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB In a bold experimental parenting move, local Mennonite dad Tim Fehr spoke calmly with his 8-year-old son Nathaniel and explained the situation to him, rather than hauling out the belt. To the shock […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Hires Taunte Nettie as City’s First Female Cop

July 26, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In a press conference this morning, Winkler mayor Milton Heinrichs announced the hiring of the city’s first female police officer. After searching for more than 12 years for a suitable candidate, the committee […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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