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cult

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Starts GoFundMe to Pay for Tips at Chicken Chef

January 31, 2023 Andrew

SCHTAINBACK, MB Area man Timothy Thiessen, 37, has just launched a new GoFundMe campaign to help pay for the more than $75,000 he owes to the serving staff at local restaurants. “I’ve haven’t tipped since […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Distributes Free Manure

July 16, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON This Sunday morning, the local Church of God (Revolution) will be generously handing out free manure for people’s gardens and flower beds. “Bring your own wheelbarrows, because there’s going to be a lot […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pants Pastor Caught Wearing Pants

December 23, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The leader of southern Manitoba’s largest anti-pants cult was spotted at the Winnipeg airport this week wearing a freshly-pressed pair of men’s slacks. “Well, unfortunately they don’t let you board the plane in […]

Unger Conviction

Church Group Hires Private Investigator to Follow Around the Klassens

July 30, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB New documents suggest that a local church group hired a Private Investigator last month to dig up dirt on every Klassen in the Province of Manitoba. “It’s always good to keep tabs on […]

Unger Conviction

“Freedom-Loving” Pastor Won’t Let Women Wear Pants

April 30, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, ON Canada’s most freedom-loving pastor, Apostle Hank, is all about liberty and personal freedoms without any coercion or undue influence from authority figures. “Our freedoms are being eroded daily!” exclaimed Apostle Hank to a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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