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Unger & Thirst

Local Man Carries on Longstanding Mennonite Tradition of Licking the Beaters

January 1, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Darryl Klassen, 43, of Swift Current is undergoing surgery this weekend to untangle his tongue from his mother’s hand mixer. “It’s been a tradition ever since I was five years old,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

“How do they get the cottage cheese in the vereniki?”: Mennonite Man Unlocks the Vereniki Secret

October 26, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Centuries of mystery have surrounded the Russian Mennonite delicacy known as the glums vereniki. Just how do they get the cottage cheese in there? It seems impossible. However, this week, local man Earl […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Celebrities Featured on New YouTube Series ‘Bland Ones’

September 19, 2021 Andrew

AKRON, PA After failing to convince any famous Mennos to be a guest on the popular show Hot Ones, a new YouTube series is aiming to be more fitting for the palate of Mennonite celebrities. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn’t Run Out of Food at the Gathering

August 19, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Pankratz can count on a good solid six hours of sleep tonight after the family gathering that she’d been worrying about for months came and went without a single person starving to […]

Unger & Thirst

Entire Package of Saltines Needed to Stomach Mrs. Epp’s Somma Borscht

July 6, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Penner cruised through an entire package of Premium Plus crackers at the soup and pie fundraiser this week, all in a failed attempt to stomach Mrs. Epp’s dreadful somma borscht. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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