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church

Unger & Thirst

Coming this October to a Mennonite Church Near You: Pumpkin Spice Baptisms!

October 4, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Desperate to capture the lucrative 25-40 market, the First Mennonite Brethren Church of Fresno has decided that all baptisms during the month of October will be conducted with Mrs. Jansen’s famous pumpkin spice […]

The Daily Bonnet

7 Things Mennonites Are Allowed to Waste Money On

June 30, 2018 Andrew

When it comes to spending, Mennonites are a frugal bunch. Despite the fact many Mennonites have done well for themselves economically, they’re not the type to flaunt their wealth. You won’t see a Mennonite driving […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Awarded Their Very Own Chicken Chef Franchise

June 16, 2018 Andrew

KLEINSCHANTZ, MB The MB church in the tiny Mennonite village of Kleinschantz has been awarded their very own Chicken Chef franchise, which will begin operation in the church basement this fall. “Oba, our vary own […]

Quizzes

What’s Your Denomination?

May 26, 2018 Andrew

There are quite a few theological quizzes out there, but most of them leave various types of Mennonites off the list. This quiz will give you a good sense of where you’re at. Who knows, […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Store Undergoes Expansion; Now the Largest Church in Town

March 10, 2018 Andrew

ALT-BERGFELD, MB After a massive expansion to the local liquor store, residents of a small Mennonite town are now admitting that it’s the “largest church in town.” “More people stop by to pick up a two-four of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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