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Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Stay-at-Home Dad Severely Rebuked By Church Elders

June 19, 2016 Andrew

KRONSTHAL, MB Local Mennonite dad, Heinrich Loeppky, 29, has been reprimanded by the church elder board for staying home with the kids while his wife quickly stopped at the store for a few items. “There […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Couple Names Newborn Daughter ‘Abe’

June 16, 2016 Andrew

SCHOENHORST, MB Colin and Evelyn Harder, of the Shoenhorst area, have decided to name their newborn daughter ‘Abe’ to give her a fighting chance of getting a decent job when she’s older. “It’s too bad we […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Drops Five Infants During Last Sunday’s Child Dedication Service

June 3, 2016 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN A reverend of a local Mennonite church has been sent on sabbatical after accidentally dropping nearly half a dozen infants in a single child dedication service. “That Bentley Hiebert is a slippery […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Names Children After Really Obscure Old Testament Characters

June 2, 2016 Andrew

MILFORD, NE Tired of common Bible names like Mary, Jacob, Abraham, and Rebecca, local Mennonite couple, Mr. and Mrs. Jacob R. Miller have named each of their eleven children after lesser-known Bible characters. “Just way […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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