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The Daily Bonnet

B.M. Friesen and Sons Electrical to Rebrand

December 7, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Since the early days of the rural electrification program in Manitoba, B.M. Friesen and Sons has been a household name in the Scratching River settlement. Now, however, the company has decided to rebrand. […]

Unger Suspicion

Music Fans Celebrate as Ticketmaster Earns Zero Dollars this Month

May 28, 2020 Andrew

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA With concerts being cancelled around the globe, the one silver lining for music lovers this year has been the fact that the gougers at Ticketmaster didn’t earn a single penny in recent […]

Unger Suspicion

Joel Osteen Releases New ‘Red Letter Edition’ of His Latest Book

February 24, 2020 Andrew

GRAND RAPIDS, MI In many Bibles, red letters denote the words of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Now, however, they’ll be used to denote the words of inexplicably popular Texas preacher Joel Osteen, who has decided to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

The Daily Bonnet

Undocumented Workers from Morden Flood Into Winkler

January 30, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER,MB With the construction season fast approaching, hundreds of undocumented schjekbenjels from Morden have been flooding into the neighbouring community of Winkler looking for work. “Jauma, that church lobby was full this morning,” said Mrs. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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