The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About
  • Merch
  • Andrew Unger

borscht

Unger & Thirst

Protestors Toss Borscht at Van Gogh Painting

October 20, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Protesting the high cost of sunflower seeds, angry Mennonites hurled margarine containers of warmed-up cabbage borscht at the giant Van Gogh painting in Altona, Manitoba this morning. “Well, they attempted to, anyway,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Toews Fills Stanley Cup with Delicious Somma Borscht

June 29, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The ladies from the Abbotsford auxiliary borscht committee were working late into the night yesterday to pick out all the little bits of sorrel and beet greens that had become lodged in the […]

Unger & Thirst

BC to Decriminalize Up to 2.5 Grams of Borscht

June 7, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use. “Borscht is a health issue,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Neufeld Downs Entire Grey Cup Filled with Komst Borscht

December 13, 2021 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON All-star offensive lineman Patrick Neufeld of the Grey-Cup winning Winnipeg Blue Bombers became the first player in CFL history to fill the cup with oma’s delicious komscht borscht. “It was either that or […]

Unger & Thirst

Entire Package of Saltines Needed to Stomach Mrs. Epp’s Somma Borscht

July 6, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Penner cruised through an entire package of Premium Plus crackers at the soup and pie fundraiser this week, all in a failed attempt to stomach Mrs. Epp’s dreadful somma borscht. “I […]

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 4 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Thousands of Mennonites to Participate in ‘Meatless Challenge’ February 30th and 31st
    February 27, 2020
  • Steinbach Man Fined for Obstructed View; Everyone Thinks It’s Satire
    November 22, 2023
  • Friesen Girls Have Got Those Old ‘Back to Home School’ Blues
    August 28, 2022
  • Taylor Swift Leads Kansas City to Super Bowl LVIII
    January 28, 2024
  • Mennonites Desperate to Find Some Relation to Davy Klaassen
    November 23, 2022

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2026 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved