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The Daily Bonnet

Rhoda Janzen’s Little Black Dress Fetches $5 Million on eBay

October 24, 2017 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Best-selling Mennonite writer and scholar Rhoda Janzen’s little black dress shattered online auction records this week, eventually selling for just over $5 million. Not only did the auction break records for Mennonite-worn dresses, […]

Unger Suspicion

JK Rowling Releases Mennonite Harry Potter Book ‘Without All the Magic’

July 18, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK In an effort to make her books more appealing to a wider audience, best-selling author J.K. Rowling is releasing new edited versions of her popular Harry Potter books that removes all the witchcraft […]

The Daily Bonnet

Erotic Schekjbenjel Novel Tops NY Times Bestseller List

July 5, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY In what is sure to spur on a wave of imitators, famed erotic novelist Darlene Steele has recently released her first Schekjbenjel romance book. The novel entitled Bedtime in Blumenort debuted at number one on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books

April 4, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an extensive nationwide search, CMU Theology student Brian Schmidt was discovered unconscious this past Friday in his dorm room beneath an enormous pile of Stanley Hauerwas books. “Brian’s recovering at the local hospital,” said his […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Consults ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ for Wardrobe Advice

February 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local senior, Helen Stoesz, was shocked by the misleading content of the popular book Fifty Shades of Grey, which she purchased used at the local MCC store hoping for advice on how to update her […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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