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Unger & Thirst

Unsure if New Church Friend’s a Teetotaler, Mennonite Woman Invites Her for ‘Coffee’

July 22, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Miss Liz Bergen, 29, had initially thought of asking her new friend Ashley from church to meet her at Sawney Bean’s pub for a pint of Guinness, but decided to play it safe […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites React to Doug Ford’s ‘Buck a Beer’ Plan

May 30, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Brother of late great Toronto mayor Rob Ford, Ontario PC candidate Doug Ford has gained a lot of attention for his unconventional policy proposals during this provincial election campaign. Recently, Ford proposed to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spotted with Crown Royal Bag

May 17, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mrs. Friesen nearly faced the firing squad at the elder board meeting this past week after it was reported she had been seen earlier in the week with a Crown Royal bag. The […]

Unger Suspicion

Entire Province of Manitoba Calls in Sick This Morning

May 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After the Winnipeg Jets advanced to the Conference finals for the first time in history, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba showed up to work this morning. “There seems […]

Unger & Thirst

Wild Night Ensues After Mennonite Woman Spikes Schoofly Pie

March 23, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mrs. Miller’s rum-soaked schoofly pie was a big hit at the church coffee and dessert event this past Sunday, as Mennonite seniors went back for seconds, thirds, and, in some cases, even fourths. […]

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