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Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once the most prominent structure on the Steinbach skyline, in recent years the water tower has been surpassed in prominence by the SCU building, the curling rink, and numerous ever-expanding churches. In an effort to […]

Unger & Thirst

A Closet-Drinker’s Guide to the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook

December 15, 2016 Andrew

The Mennonite Treasury Cookbook is a veritable bounty of classic Mennonite recipes. However, until now Mennonites were left completely on their own when determining what beverage to closet-drink with their chosen dish. Thanks to extensive testing […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sues Beer Company for ‘False Advertising’

November 13, 2016 Andrew

HOFFNUNGSFELD, MB After being inspired by countless commercials for ‘lite refreshing beer’ during Winnipeg Blue Bomber rain delays, local man Henry Froese decided to sample the product for the first time, but was sorely disappointed with […]

Unger & Thirst

Court Rules that Mennonites Are Allowed to Keep Their Masks on in the Liquor Store

October 15, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Steinbach judge ruled today in favour of religious freedom, allowing Mennonites to wear full facial masks in “potentially embarrassing” public places like the liquor store or casino. “I’m pleased with the decision,” […]

Unger & Thirst

All Steinbach Bars to Be Annexed By Neighbouring Municipality

October 6, 2016 Andrew

LA BROQUERIE, MB Voters in the rural municipality of La Broquerie have approved a motion this week to annex all the bars and lounges in the neighbouring Mennonite city of Steinbach. “Back when Steinbach was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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