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The Daily Bonnet

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

Unger Suspicion

Ted Falk Unscathed After Lone Elbowist Attacks Canadian Parliament

May 20, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Provencher MP Ted Falk managed to escape the House of Commons unharmed as a brutal elbow attack ravaged Parliament Hill on Thursday. “Those things are sharp, especially the Prime Minister’s,” commented Falk, still […]

Unger Conviction

LGBT Church Opens Doors in Southeast Manitoba

May 19, 2016 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A small Mennonite town in southeast Manitoba has become home to the first LGBT church in the region. Landmark Gospel Brethren Tabernacle opened its doors in April and, according to senior pastor Benjamin Friesen, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Formula 1 Circuit Expands to Steinbach

May 19, 2016 Andrew

LONDON, UK Cruisers and gearheads throughout southeast Manitoba were elated Thursday, as Formula 1 confirmed that they are adding a race in the small town of Steinbach, Canada. The Hanover Grand Prix is set to commence in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Blames His Narrow Mind on the Zika Virus

May 19, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler resident and xenophobe Eric Bergen, 38, is certain that a mosquito is the sole cause of his narrow-mindedness. “There really is no other explanation,” says Bergen from his mother’s basement that he has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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