LEAMINGTON, ON Days after a new law came into effect barring the use of Heinz Ketchup, the Leamington police have made their first arrest for possession of something other than French’s. “A middle-aged male was taken into […]
STEINBACH, MB An hour-long power outage in Steinbach this afternoon left employees at the local church pew factory with a little too much time on their hands. The outage resulted in more than fifteen new […]
ABBOTSFORD, BC A massive 7.2 earthquake struck the Fraser Valley this past Sunday. Local seismologists have traced the source of the quake to Mrs. Martha Loewen’s uncontrollable vibrato singing at the local Mennonite church. “We […]
EDMONTON, AB Up 7-1 after 2 periods the Edmonton Oilers did what everyone was expecting and blew their 6 goal lead to the Anaheim Ducks. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said longtime Oilers fan […]
The Daily Bonnet sent out a team of single people (spinsters, grumpy old men, young people being pressured by their frintschoft to ‘get married already’, etc.) to try out their best pick-up lines. Their effectiveness […]
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