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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Store Offers Amazing 10% Off Black Friday Sale

November 25, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In order to keep Southern Ontario Mennonites from zipping over the border for Black Friday deals, local Mennonite businesses have drastically reduced prices in order to compete. Rempel Electronics, for example, is offering unprecedented […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pastor Pardons Thanksgiving Farmer Sausage

November 24, 2016 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN By now it’s an annual tradition. When the President pardons a Thanksgiving turkey at the White House, thus sparing it from certain death, a Mennonite pastor in small town Minnesota also pardons […]

Unger Suspicion

NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets

November 24, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a press conference earlier this morning, NASA scientists have answered a question that has plagued Anabaptists since the early days of the Reformation: “Are there Mennonites on other planets?” The answer, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penners Attempt to Outbreed Reimers

November 23, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a bold move of solidarity, Penners across North America have pledged to do their part to have more babies than the Reimers. “We’re sick and tired of the Reimers outnumbering us in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Oba, That Mennonite Chiropractor Can Fix Everything Yet

November 22, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local unlicensed folk chiropractor is receiving praise throughout southeast Manitoba for his ability to knacke out absolutely any problem one might have. After keeling over with pain in the grocery aisle, local man Don B. Penner made sure to visit […]

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