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The Daily Bonnet

High German Mennonite Clings Desperately to False Sense of Superiority Over Low German Mennonite

June 28, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENBACH, SK Thanks to a complete accident of birth, Miss Annie B. Epp of Blumenbach was born to a High German speaking family. For some reason, Epp, a sad and delusional woman, believes that this linguistic […]

Unger & Thirst

Margarine Mennonite Society Posts Declaration of Principles

June 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Popular Facebook page The Margarine Mennonite Society has attracted thousands of people with its rather radical views within the Mennonite community, particularly when it comes to margarine consumption. MMS founder Charlie Kraybill says his […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Insists Kill-Shot is ‘Merely a Flesh Wound’

June 27, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Days after a Canadian sniper set a world record by killing an Iraqi man from a really frickin’ long distance, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is deflecting accusations that Canada’s involvement in Iraq has moved […]

The Daily Bonnet

Homewrecker Wrecks Record 30th Home

June 27, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON During a homewrecking career that spanned more than six decades, local seductress Alice Kehler, 81, has been responsible for the break-up of a record thirty marriages in the Kitchener area. “I think I have […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

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