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Unger Conviction

Calgary Church Threatens to Leave Town Unless Government Pays for Massive New Building

June 9, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Cowtown Brethren, a nominally-Mennonite Church located in downtown Calgary on the Bow River, is threatening to relocate the entire congregation to Quebec City unless the Alberta government ponies up the funds to build a massive […]

Unger & Thirst

Coca-Cola Adds Mennonite Names to Bottles

June 8, 2017 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA According to tradition, the preferred cola of Mennonites has always been Pepsi (accompanied by a Ravel bar). In an effort to win over some of the Mennonite market share, Coca-Cola has recently introduced a series […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Baptizes Hundreds of Total Strangers at Local Waterslide

June 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Reverend Jim, eager to increase his baptism numbers for the year, baptized more than five hundred people without their knowledge, during a church event at the local waterpark. “They zipped pass me and […]

Unger & Thirst

Farmer Sausage-Scented Air Fresheners a Big Hit in Mennonite Country

June 7, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A new formavorscht-scented car air freshener has been flying off the shelves at Altona gas stations this past week, with Mennonites throughout the region eager to have their truck cabs smell of smoked meat. […]

Unger Conviction

Streaker Disrupts Mennonite Church Service

June 6, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB The service at East Blumenhof Brethren was rudely interrupted by a “basically naked” young woman who walked in the door claiming she was “visiting for the first time.” Within minutes of her arrival, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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