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The Daily Bonnet

Homewrecker Wrecks Record 30th Home

June 27, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON During a homewrecking career that spanned more than six decades, local seductress Alice Kehler, 81, has been responsible for the break-up of a record thirty marriages in the Kitchener area. “I think I have […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

Unger Suspicion

Richard Dawkins Comes Forward at Tent Revival Meeting

June 25, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Renowned atheist and best-selling author Richard Dawkins, who was in town yesterday to attend the wedding of a distant cousin, was seen entering a local big tent revival meeting, undoubtedly lured in by […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Sniper Sets Record for World’s Longest Deliberately-Missed Shot

June 24, 2017 Andrew

MOSUL, IRAQ A Mennonite sniper in Iraq deliberately missed his target more than two miles away, breaking the world record for the longest purposefully-missed sniper shot in military history. “I could have got him, but I just shot above […]

Unger & Thirst

Guy Fieri Quits Show After Discovering Mennonite Food

June 23, 2017 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Frost-tipped Food Network star Guy Fieri has decided to quit his popular ‘Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives’ show after consuming a scrumptious meal in a Mennonite home this past weekend that, in his words, […]

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