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The Daily Bonnet

Guide to Mennonite Dress Codes

November 1, 2017 Andrew

Oba, my name is Reverend Abram Lepp of the Halbstadt colony over by near Muntau and Hierschau. You know the place. I think we’re prob’ly second cousins on the Loewen side. Anyway, I’ve been seein’ just vay […]

Unger Conviction

Martin Luther Costumes Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 31, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB 500 years after the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther has become the hottest costume this Halloween surpassing sales of Wonder Woman, Batman, and the entire cast of Game of Thrones. “Kids just seem to […]

The Daily Bonnet

7 Mennonite Sisters Marry 7 Mennonite Brothers in Epic Septuple Wedding

October 30, 2017 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Brothers Jeff, Peter, Steve, Colin, John, Abe, and Patrick Brandt married sisters Rose, Mary Ann, Sally, Susan, Nettie, Aileen and Ruth Janzen in Rosetown’s largest ever wedding this past week. “There’s just something […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Switches Between English and Plautdietsch a Record 3000 Times in a Single Conversation

October 29, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Earl Peters reverted to Plautdietsch more than 3000 times during an hour-long conversation about beets with his friend Dan Friesen at the coffee shop this past week. The intermittent Plautdietsch usage […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Confuses Shot Glasses for Candle Holders

October 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW HOLLAND, PA More than three dozen shot glasses were mislabeled as candleholders at the local MCC store this week. It was the largest mislabeling of booze containers since volunteers at the MB church confused […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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