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Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Introduces Full Line of Yerba Products

September 22, 2017 Andrew

GRETNA, MB The popular Tim Hortons shop in Gretna, Manitoba is set to become the first Tims in the region to replace their entire line of beverages with Paraguayan yerba mate. Gretna Tims, which just […]

Unger Suspicion

Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites

September 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that a few dozen Mennonites from rural Manitoba are the only people in the country who don’t realize how bad a band Nickelback really is. With thousands of tickets left for […]

Unger Suspicion

Newborn Begs to Go Back In After Seeing Dad’s Face

September 21, 2017 Andrew

GNADENSCHANTZ, SK At the tender age of just six-and-a-half minutes, young Jebediah Neufeld let out a blood-curdling scream and begged to go back in the womb after witnessing his father’s face for the first time. […]

Unger Conviction

Why the Church Lobby is Even Better than Tinder!

September 20, 2017 Andrew

BY: MISS SAMANTHA YODER The dating game is tough these days. A lot of my girlfriends have resorted to going online to find a suitable partner, but I maintain that you can never beat your […]

Unger Suspicion

Massive Concrete Wall Divides Kitchener and Waterloo

September 19, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER-WATERLOO, ON Residents of Kitchener-Waterloo were shocked to discover a four-metre concrete wall dividing the twin cities when they woke up this morning. The ‘Kitchener-Waterloo Wall,’ which stretches for miles between the two cities and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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