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The Daily Bonnet

Mannanites are Feeling Vary Blast This Time of Year Yet

December 15, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mannanites across western Canada have been sharing #blast memes throughout the holiday season this year yet. “Like and share if you’re feeling sea gut and blast dis year,” said Mrs. Petkau of […]

Unger Suspicion

Jeff Bridges, John Goodman Reunite for ‘The Big Sawatzky’

December 14, 2017 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The Coen Brothers have just wrapped up filming the sequel to their 1998 cult hit The Big Lebowski. The new film, entitled The Big Sawatzky, which reunites Jeff Bridges with John Goodman, Steve […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Steakhouse Adds Fried Bologna to Menu

December 13, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Purple Koo, Abbotsford’s toniest steakhouse, is about to get a little bit tonier, with the addition of prime cut grade A fried bologna to the menu. The addition of bologna is in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Festive Mennonite Couple Fills House to the Brim with Totally Useless Shit

December 13, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local couple Ryan and Diane Hiebert of Abbotsford have busied themselves buying truckloads of completely useless shit for the holiday season. It’s been quite stressful for the couple as their list of people […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’

December 12, 2017 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy. “Woohoo! […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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