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The Daily Bonnet

Morden Hockey Team to be Known as the “Not Winklers”

July 15, 2020 Andrew

NOT WINKLER, MB A Morden junior hockey team has decided to adopt a new nickname that was the most fitting and local name they could think possibly think of: The Not Winklers. “We scratched our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Innovative Mennonite Kids Fill Super Soakers with Hand Sanitizer

July 14, 2020 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Just when everyone thought that water fights in the summer of 2020 would be a no-no, the innovative Koop kids of Goessel came up with a creative solution: hand sanitizer. “It’s not the […]

Unger & Thirst

Heretical Mennonite Man Smothers Perogies in Sour Cream

July 13, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man, Abe Sawatzky, 67, shocked a whole table of cousins at faspa on Friday after foregoing the schmaunt fat and smothering his cottage cheese perogies in sour cream instead. “Diewel devil shinda! […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hill Masquerades as “Mountain”

July 12, 2020 Andrew

DUCK MOUNTAIN PROVINCIAL PARK, MB A number of hills in Western Manitoba that have been calling themselves “mountains” for quite some time, are finally facing the truth. “I’m a hill, alright? And I’m a good-looking […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Visits Every Single Chicken Chef in Manitoba

July 11, 2020 Andrew

ROBLIN, MB With an order of a buffalo chicken burger with a side of fries and gravy in Roblin, Manitoba, Mr. Plett of Morden, completed his ten-year-long quest to visit every single Chicken Chef in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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