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The Daily Bonnet

Chilliwack Couple Retires to Yarrow

July 30, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Wanting to enjoy a more temperate climate, Mr. Thiessen, 78, and Mrs. Thiessen, 79 have decided to pack up their things and move two blocks over to Yarrow. “We’ve heard so many good […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Wiens is About to Try this Mysterious New Substance

July 29, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB For the very first time in her life, Mrs. Wiens is about to try out this mysterious slightly yellowy liquid she’s never seen before in her life. She was offered this yellowy water […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Called Before the Church Elders for Commenting on an Article Without Reading It

July 28, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mr. Andrew Yoder, 31 was brought before the church elders this week after it came to their attention that he had commented on a Buzz Feed article without reading it and that this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Totally Hooked on Bubble Wrap

July 27, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Ens was super excited for all the crap her husband Dan’s been ordering online these days since it means she can spend her evenings sitting with her feet up on the patio […]

The Daily Bonnet

Economical Mennonite Woman’s Been Using the Same Mask Since This Whole Thing Started

July 26, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Mrs. Thiessen, 73, of Rosenort is renowned throughout the Scratching River Settlement for her tremendous ability to “do more with less.” This includes using the very same cheap disposable face mask her son […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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