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The Daily Bonnet

Bernie Sanders Spotted at Mennonite Locales Across North America

January 21, 2021 Andrew

Beloved Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders has sure been making the rounds in his hand knitted mittens these days. He even stopped by at a few of your favourite Mennonite locales across North America. The photos […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Pastor Reassures Paranoid Congregation: “Don’t Worry, Chem Trails are Just Schmaunt Fat”

January 19, 2021 Andrew

R.M. of RHINELAND, MB After months of growing paranoia, a local pastor has decided to address a matter that was plaguing the minds of some of his more circumspect congregants. “Chem trails are nothing to […]

Unger Games

Empty Arenas Give Canadian Fans an ‘Authentic Florida Hockey Experience’

January 18, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Eager to share an authentic Florida hockey experience with its northern fans, the NHL has decided to play the entire season in empty arenas. “I think those Canadian fans don’t know what it’s […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Tin Foil Hats Over Masks’ Group to Stage Massive Protest

January 17, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It’s a movement that has swept the nation in recent months and this weekend the infamous Tin Foil Hats Over Masks group is planning to stage protests in cities across the country. “First […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Mother and Daughter Give Birth Just Hours Apart

January 16, 2021 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Edith Funk, 42, of St. Jacobs gave birth to a bouncing baby boy named Jacob just three hours before her daughter Bethany, 20, gave birth to Edith’s first granddaughter Breanne. “I was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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