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Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top 10 Songs! Your Ultimate Knackzoat Radio Playlist!

September 12, 2021 Andrew

If you were raised in the area, you no doubt grew up listening to Radio Southern Manitoba. In between the funeral announcements and the trading post, you might even have listened to a few tunes. […]

Unger & Thirst

O’Toole Offers Mennonites Half Off at Chicken Chef

September 11, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Following up an election promise of discounts at Swiss Chalet, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is now wooing Mennonite voters by promising a really good deal at Chicken Chef yet once. “Oba jo!” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Rush to Stock Up on ‘Reimermectin’

September 10, 2021 Andrew

PEADDSSTAUL, MB A new “miracle drug” called Reimermectin is flying off the shelves in southern Manitoba this week after rumours spread that it can cure all that ails you. “I’m not sure what’s in there, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Weekly to Feature Provocative Centrefold

September 9, 2021 Andrew

ELIDA, OH In an effort to boost subscriptions, a prominent Mennonite church publication will now feature a new provocative centrefold each week. “In coming weeks we’ve got some highly provocative photos of two Calvinists and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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