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The Daily Bonnet

Spectacular Northern Mennonites Light Up the Night Sky

October 14, 2021 Andrew

SELKIRK, MB Thousands of people across North America set up their cameras last night to witness a specular show by the Northern Mennonites. “We had Menno Simons. Dirk Willems. Even Miriam Toews made an appearance,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Netflix Finally Allows Young People to See that ‘Seinfeld’ is Way Better than ‘Friends’

October 13, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN For the millions of young people too young to really remember the 90s, the chance to finally see Seinfeld has blown more than a few minds. “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I […]

Unger & Thirst

Thanksgiving Leftovers Miraculously Resurrected After Three Days

October 12, 2021 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON Days after being forgotten about in a margarine container at the back of the fridge, a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers were resurrected from the dead by local plumber and church elder, Peter […]

Unger Games

Mrs. Friesen Signed On as New Bombers Kicker

October 11, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After cycling through a series of placekickers who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn door, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers scoured the streets of North Kildonan in search of someone, anyone, who […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Uncle Barred from Thanksgiving Gathering after Forgetting His ID and Vax Card

October 10, 2021 Andrew

ROSENHIMMEL, SK Oncle Thomas was turned away at the biannual Peters Thanksgiving gathering in Rosenhimmel this week after he conveniently “forgot” his proof of vaccination. “Oba, I think I left it at home somewhere,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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