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Unger & Thirst

10 Hottest Mennonite Spices Ranked in Order of Spiciness

February 10, 2024 Andrew

As any historian can tell you, when Menno Simons broke off from the Catholic church several centuries ago, he started a new sect dedicated to non-violence, adult baptism, and an abnormal obsession with spicy food. […]

Unger Games

Thrift Stores All Out of Fur Coats After Streveler Signing

February 9, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There were lineups outside thrift stores across the province this week after the Blue Bombers re-signed cigar-chomping fur-wearing quarterback Chris Streveler. “I haven’t seen this kind of demand for used fur coats since […]

Unger & Thirst

“Spicy” Mennonite Dish Consists Mostly of Dill

February 8, 2024 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Those who say Mennonites don’t like spicy food obviously don’t know waut de schissjat they’re talking about. A case in point is Mrs. Doris Loeppky, who threw in more than a handful of […]

Unger Conviction

‘Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow’ Reaches #1 on iTunes Chart Nearly 5 Centuries After its Release

February 6, 2024 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA It’s happened to Tracy Chapman and Kate Bush and now it seems a 500-year-old hymn has also entered the charts long after its release. This week ‘Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow’ […]

Unger Conviction

Chaos in Church Kitchen as Pickle Dishes Discovered in Cream and Sugar Cupboard

February 5, 2024 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Chaos erupted in the South Grunthal Mennonite church kitchen this week after the labels fell off the cupboards, leaving pickle dishes in with cream and sugar and teaspoons in the chipped saucer drawer. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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