WASHINGTON, DC
After a highly publicized rift with the White House in recent weeks, Elon Musk has finally acknowledged the source of his schismatic idea.
“As we all know, I’m not really an ideas man. Instead, I just look at what’s successful elsewhere and steal it,” said Musk. “So when I was thinking about splitting from the White House, I figured I’d bring in the experts when it comes to schisms and division – the Mennonites.”
According to Musk, the Mennonites told him to make the schism as loud and demonstrative as possible, so as to take the most people with you when you leave.
“They say I’m like the Klaas Reimer of my generation,” said Musk. “Whoever that is.”
The Mennonites also recommended that Musk make a really big deal about playing the piano in church and whether or not to use real wine or Welch’s grape juice.
“It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, ” said Musk. “But they’re the experts.”
Church split and divisiveness consultant Abe Klassen says he thinks Musk did a fine job, but was not impressed with the pace.
“I’m surprised he lasted in the White House as long as he did,” said Klassen. “I would have hoped for two or three splits by now.”
Musk’s followers will join him this Sunday at the new MC (Musk Church) USA, which will soon be followed by the Musk Brethren and Evangelical Musk Brethren.
