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Unger Games

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbacher Surpasses 10,000 Career Kjnipsing Yards

July 26, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Argos running back Andrew Harris was not the only Steinbacher to set a record this week. 92-year-old Herman W. Klippenstein became the first kjnipser to kjnips more than 10,000 career yards after defeating Robert […]

Unger Games

Argos Destroy Patriots 28-5

July 23, 2022 Andrew

BOSTON, MA In a rare cross-border match last night, the CFL’s Toronto Argonauts embarrassed the New England Patriots by a score of 28 to 5. “We were down by three touchdowns in the 7th inning. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Twenty Waved Off After Distinct Kicking Motion

May 29, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With just minutes left to play in game 5 of the Alberta crokinole finals, it seemed that Calgary’s Blake Kornelsen had flicked the twenty of his life. However, after consultation with the video […]

Unger Games

Every Single Road Named “Worst Road in Manitoba”

May 25, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The annual list of “worst roads in the province” was released this month, and for the first time ever the list included every single road in the entire province. “Land of 100,000 lakes? […]

The Daily Bonnet

Aging Mennonites Switch from Dutch Blitz to Skip Bo

May 1, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK After years of wearing out their finger joints playing Dutch Blitz, Mr. and Mrs. Unger of Saskatoon have decided to “take things easy a little and play Skip Bo from now on.” “It’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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