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Unger Games

Unger Games

Mennonites Excited as NHL Rescinds Ban on Noah’s Ark Tape

October 25, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON After going back and forth on the issue, the NHL has decided it will allow players to use Noah’s ark tape after all. “Oba jo, finally some biblical tape for us Mennonites,” said […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Pastor Pulled After Just 47 Pitches

October 5, 2023 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Despite being less than five minutes into his Sunday morning sermon, Pastor Barry was pulled from the service and replaced with a left-handed pastor. “I can’t figure out why Elder Schneider came to […]

Unger Games

Canadian Swifties Demand Taylor Date at Least One CFL Star

September 25, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After word got out that Taylor Swift was dating NFL star Travis Kelce, north-of-the-border Swifties are demanding that she “stop ignoring our league.” “What has she got against Canadian football? There’s a lot […]

Unger Games

Curling Match Cancelled After Mennonite Men Refuse to Cast the First Stone

September 23, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The curling season in Altona, Manitoba has been postponed this weekend after Mr. Plett and Mr. Kroeker both refused to cast the first stone. “I blame Pastor Ron,” said local curling fan Dave […]

Unger Games

NFL Announces New Gruelling 162-Game Schedule

September 19, 2023 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY In an effort to increase revenues and compete with baseball, starting next season the National Football League will be expanding it’s season to a full 162 games. “I’m not sure how we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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