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Unger Suspicion

Unger Games

Patriots Release Tom Brady to Pursue CFL Opportunities

January 7, 2020 Andrew

BOSTON, MA After proving himself for close to twenty years on the smaller American field, it looks like former Patriots quarterback Tom Brady will finally be getting his shot at the CFL. “We’ve had scouts […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

Unger Suspicion

Off-Key Mennonite Singers Top ‘Best Albums of the Decade’ List

January 1, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Despite the fact that the last ten years were undoubtedly the worst such span in popular music history, music critics have been forced by their editors to come up with ‘Best Albums […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Interrupt New ‘Star Wars’ Film with Impromptu Hymn Sing

December 30, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA When the title card rolled up onto the screen of the new Star Wars movie, Mennonites and others well-versed in reading High German rose to their feet and sang along to ‘Das Emperium […]

Unger Suspicion

“What is this – Calgary?” Winnipeg Man Can’t Figure Out Warm Holiday Temperatures

December 28, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After temperatures soared into the single digits below zero, (Okay, Americans, I mean just below zero Celsius), North Kildonan resident Peter Wiens decided to strip to his undies and take a nice swim […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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