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Unger Suspicion

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

Unger Suspicion

John Tortorella Hires Mennonites to Shun Patrik Laine

March 12, 2021 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH Columbus Blue Jackets head coach John Tortorella is known for his unconventional methods of motivating his players, most notably benching star players or publicly shaming them when they don’t perform. It seems he’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Finally Escapes Snow Maze After Spring Melt

March 7, 2021 Andrew

ST. ADOLPHE, MB Art Broesky, 58, of Niverville decided to visit “that big snow maze they’ve got up there in St. Adolphe” as soon as it opened this winter. Well, after six weeks trying to […]

Unger Suspicion

Rumspringa 2021 Not Nearly as Wild as Amish Boy was Hoping For

March 3, 2021 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Young Caleb Hershberger of Intercourse was really looking forward to getting out into the wild world of the English during his rumspringa this year, but so far he’s been totally disappointed. “Dunner uns […]

Unger Suspicion

Hollywood’s Biggest Stars Gather to Celebrate One Full Year of Not Saying Something Stupid Enough on Twitter to Get Cancelled

February 28, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA It’ll be a near empty theatre tonight as the half dozen or so Hollywood stars who didn’t get themselves cancelled this year gather to waltz down a socially distanced red carpet and pat […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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